Why the Culture You Create in your Home is More Important than What it Looks Like
We live in a world that tells us we should prioritise how our homes look. Things need to be Instagrammable, and a Pinterest board is essential.
Don’t get me wrong, I love an aesthetic home. I wouldn’t have created my own range of candles and prints if I didn’t! I took great joy in choosing a beautiful kitchen when we had our extension done a few years ago. I love the neutral colour palette of our living room and the deep blue walls of our bedroom. I have a great time adding trailing plants and framed pictures to my colour-coordinated bookshelves. I like lampshades that add character, and I enjoy choosing little bits of décor from independent shops and small businesses.
But I also believe how people feel in your home is more important than what they see.
People will forget the paint colour on your walls and whether your house looked ‘put together’, but they’ll always remember the culture you created within those four walls. They’ll remember whether your home felt peaceful, whether it felt safe, whether they saw grace in action, whether laughter was a common occurrence, and whether they were able to rest.
All of this matters so much more than aesthetics, not just for visitors, but for the people who live in your home – your spouse, your children and yourself.
What is Our Family Culture and How Do We Cultivate It?
Let me caveat the following with a reminder that we are not perfect in everything we do, or even anything we do! Giving ourselves and each other grace is something I strive for, but I'm not perfect at that either!
A Sense of Belonging
We are trying to instil in our children the idea that they are a valuable part of our family and they have privileges that come with responsibilities. We ask them to help out, and when they complain that it isn’t their mess, we remind them we all take care of each other. I didn’t just make dinner for myself – I made it for the whole family. When they see something that needs doing, we encourage them to be kind and thoughtful, and just do it.
We also want to be a warm and welcoming home where our children feel they can invite friends over with little notice. When they do, we endeavour to create that same sense of belonging. We want to be the house people hang out at, jump on the trampoline, help themselves to snacks, and where they are spoken to and asked questions.
Faith in the Everyday
We want our children to continue to grow in their love, knowledge and following of Jesus as they get older, so this is a top priority for our family culture.
We eat dinner together every evening, and my husband and I intentionally ask each child how their day was. We also use this time to do some kind of devotion. We’ve gone through various books to do this, and we are currently using ‘Long Story Short’ by Marty Machowski, which I’m really enjoying. It’s sparking some good conversations and is pitched at a good level for all our children (currently aged 6-12).
We also pray together before bed and say grace. We encourage the children to take turns doing this so they can learn to pray and practice speaking to God. One of my favourite things is hearing my young children process things as they pray. For more on this, read 7 Ways to Help a Child Develop a Strong Bible Reading and Prayer Routine.
Sundays are a set-apart day for us as we seek to live out the 4th commandment: ‘you shall honour the sabbath and keep it holy’. We don’t want Sunday to feel restrictive or boring. We want it to feel special and set apart, so we have a fun breakfast of pancakes or waffles before attending church.
We avoid working as much as possible and we skip activities that would take us away from worshipping with our church family. Instead, we try to invite people over for Sunday lunch or visit extended family for the afternoon. We’d love to keep our children involved in this for as long as possible to foster these relationships and allow for fellowship with church family too. Read How to Foster Community and Make Friends at Church to learn more.
A Love of Reading
Reading is important for so many reasons. We believe that discovering things for themselves and being immersed in stories will reap lifelong benefits for our children – not just academically, but also in terms of understanding the world and developing more creativity and imagination. To find time to do this, we put them to bed half an hour earlier than their bedtime so they can read before going to sleep. To lead by example, we also read in view of them as much as possible.
We’ve started reading a book together at dinnertime after the devotion too. We really enjoyed the children’s classic ‘Stig of the Dump’ and now we’re reading one of the Hardy Boys books which my husband devoured as a child. We also visit the local library regularly, giving them even more choice of books to discover. You’ll find a list of some of our top reads here.
Plenty of Fun and Laughter
So far, so serious, but this could not be further from the truth for our family. We laugh a lot, tell each other jokes, dance to high octane music (often tunes from my youth) and enjoy playing board games together. We love a pizza and movie night and enjoy inviting others round to play in the garden or share a BBQ. Fun and laughter are very important in our family culture – it’s one of the main things I loved about Iain when we first met! We want to ensure people feel included and comfortable being themselves.
Being Supportive
One thing I’m working hard at instilling in our family culture is the idea of being supportive. I believe family members should cheer each other on, be happy for one another, show up in difficult seasons, and make each other feel seen and valued.
I am trying to encourage my kids to think of their siblings and ask them about specific things. One of our children recently had exams. I reminded their siblings and said it would be very kind to ask how the exams went when they next see her.
Creative Play
Finally, we want to encourage a culture where art, music, cooking, gardening, and reading are welcome, where success is celebrated, where we rejoice in each other’s gifts and creative abilities as well as encouraging academic excellence to the best of their abilities. God has made each of us different, and experimenting and trying out new things is something we love to watch in each other and our children – even if it does sometimes result in odd concoctions like a curry lasagne…
Thanks For Stopping By
If you’ve been inspired by this post, you might find the following links useful too…
My Tips for Reading the Bible as a Busy Mum
5 Daytrips from Belfast the Whole Family Will Love
