How to Avoid Catch-Up Culture and Build Christian Friendships

August 26, 2026

legs poking out of the sea surrounded by splashing water

What is Catch-Up Culture?

Over the past couple of months, I've heard more and more people talking about catch-up culture – the idea that our adult friendships have become centred around sporadic, planned get togethers rather than natural, spontaneous everyday interactions.

Squeezing in the occasional coffee every few months. Spending an hour racing through everything that's happened since we last met. Ending every meet-up with, ‘we really should do this more often’. Then, life gets busy again, and before you know it, another season has passed.

Where Does Catch-Up Culture Come From?

I don't think catch-up culture exists because we value friendship less than previous generations. It’s simply the solution we’ve found for staying in touch and feeling connected in a world that’s making this increasingly difficult.

As someone who runs a creative business from home while raising four children, I completely understand how easy it is to fall into this pattern. I’m busy, and I’m in a season of life where my friends are also busy with full-time jobs, children, and more.

We live in a society that prizes productivity over presence, so we fill every spare hour accordingly. When your calendar is packed, friendship can feel like another appointment that has to be carefully scheduled, another task to tick off rather than one of God's greatest gifts.

What Do the Gospels Tell Us About Friendship?

When I read the Gospels, I don't see Jesus building relationships through occasional planned meetings. Instead, He invited people into everyday life. He walked alongside His friends, shared meals with them, celebrated together, grieved together and taught them as they travelled from place to place.

There was a lot of walking along the road together. Their friendship grew because they spent ordinary life together. I’ve seen memes online that jokingly say ‘the real miracle is a man in his thirties with 12 close friends’, but I don’t think that happened by accident. Jesus was very intentional, and while he frequently spent time alone, he also spent quality time with his friends.

Jesus rarely seemed to separate ministry from friendship. His ministry was his life, and his friends were right there with Him. So much of His teaching happened while walking from one place to another (something he had to do), sharing meals around a table (another thing they had to do) or stopping to notice the people everyone else hurried past (something Jesus was great at).

He wasn't always organising events. In fact, he rarely did – I can only think of the Sermon on the Mount and the Last Supper. He was simply living life with people.

This challenges me because I often think friendship requires finding ‘spare time’. Jesus seems to show that friendship often happens while we're already doing life. The journey became the place of conversation, and he used ordinary things they saw as they walked to illustrate his stories. The meal became the place of discipleship, and ordinary moments became opportunities to encourage, teach, and love the people around Him.

I wonder if that's what many of us are missing today. Our conversations have become dominated by summarising the past rather than experiencing the present together. We spend time recounting everything that's happened instead of creating new memories. It's no wonder we sometimes leave those catch-ups feeling strangely unsatisfied, even after a lovely conversation and a tasty treat. I don’t think this is how we’re meant to get to know each other and live alongside each other.

How to Avoid Catch-Up Culture and Build Christian Friendships

Catching up with a friend over coffee is great. But the more I've reflected on it, the more I've been convicted that friendship was never meant to revolve around simply exchanging updates. Here are some of the things I’ve been doing to avoid catch-up culture and deepen my existing friendships…

1. Stop Waiting for the Ideal Circumstances

For me, one of the biggest changes has been letting go of the idea that friendship needs ideal circumstances. I used to think I needed a free afternoon, a tidy house and plenty of uninterrupted time before inviting someone over. I’ve written about hospitality before, and how it isn’t about having a spotless home or perfectly behaved children, but about a feeling and a heart posture – you can feel so welcome and at home in an untidy and lived-in house.

2. Do Boring Stuff Together

Doing things together, even the mundane stuff, will always be more memorable than a quick catch-up.

I have four friends I try to meet up with regularly. Recently, I’ve been making a conscious effort to include them in things I’m already doing or suggest doing something we have to do anyway, together. For example, ‘why don’t you come and sit in the garden while the children make a mess?’ or ‘fancy coming with me while I run some errands?’. Sharing these ordinary moments often creates the space for much deeper conversations than a carefully planned lunch ever could.

3. Be Spontaneous

My friend Eszter is the person I text if I ever fancy doing something a bit spontaneous or adventurous. The other night, we went to the coast and jumped in the sea together. We tried it last June, but the water was so cold it felt like we were being stabbed by 1000 knives. This time, it was more fun, and we happily stayed in the water for about 20-30 minutes.

If you’re used to planning things in far in advance, being spontaneous can feel daunting. I’d encourage you to be brave and just go for it. Whether your friend is available at short notice or not, they’ll be grateful you thought of them.

4. Make Something Together

Creating something together has a wonderful way of drawing people closer. I've found that painting pottery, making homemade pizzas, or even wrapping parcels side by side removes the pressure to keep conversation flowing.

There's something wonderfully relaxing about working with your hands while talking about life, and often people share far more naturally than they would sitting opposite each other in a café.

Friendship as an Act of Faith

God created us for relationship, both with Him and with one another. In a world that constantly tells us we're too busy, choosing to make space for genuine friendship is an act of faith that brings refreshment and stops us feeling alone.

These times together remind us that people are never an interruption to life, they're one of God's greatest gifts within it. I truly love getting to know my friends better. I’m an introvert, which simply means I need time alone to refuel, but I also come away from time with my friends feeling energised and happy.

There is so much fun to be had with others; it doesn’t have to be catching up on everything we’ve done in our own lives – it should be living alongside each other and making memories together.

I know this is something I'll keep learning, and I’m by no means perfect. There will always be seasons when work deadlines pile up, children get ill, or life simply feels too full. I'm not suggesting we should fill every evening with plans. In fact, quite the opposite! I think friendship grows best when it's woven into everyday life rather than squeezed into the leftovers.

Some of my happiest memories from this summer so far aren't things I carefully planned. They're laughing in freezing cold seawater, watching children eat melting ice creams in the garden, and chatting while trying not to be splashed by our children in the paddling pool! These moments probably won't seem remarkable years from now, but I suspect they'll be the moments that shaped our friendships the most. The moments we’ll laugh about as we reflect on how we got to know each other better.