How to Support a Friend Through a Tough Time

August 27, 2025

Let’s be honest, life isn’t always smooth sailing. Illness, loss, marriage breakdowns, miscarriage, mental health challenges, grief, burnout… tough seasons come to us all. This is what friends are for. Sure, having fun together, laughing until your sides hurt, and doing things you both enjoy are great aspects of friendship, and totally necessary. But life will always be a mix good and bad.

As Christians, friends, neighbours, or simply compassionate human beings, we are called to ‘carry each other’s burdens’ (Galatians 6:2). So, what can we do to support a friend through a tough time?

The Importance of Simply Showing Up

You don’t have to fix anything to be a good friend when things get tough. You just have to show up. Hard times can feel incredibly lonely. People often withdraw because they’re unsure how to ask for help or afraid of being a burden. That’s why it’s so powerful when someone takes the first step.

One thing you can do quietly behind-the-scenes is simply consider what’s happening in people’s lives. Showing interest makes you more likely to be someone a friend opens up to. And thinking about what people are dealing with on a day-to-day basis can also help you identify ways you can help them.

For example, we lead a homegroup in church, and I’ve made it my mission to consider each person's life circumstances so I can try to anticipate anything that could be helpful. One couple in our group are the main leaders for the children's holiday Bible club. I recently sent them a text asking if coming for lunch the Sunday before it begins would be useful, giving them one less thing to worry about. They gratefully accepted not having to think about lunch and taking some time to rest and enjoy friendships before a busy week.

Springing into Action

When someone tells you they’re having a tough time, this is when you should spring into action. But what does this actually mean?

I am constantly in awe of the friendship shared by Ashlee and Katie, the hosts of Coffee + Crumbs. Ashlee will not hesitate to get on a plane and fly across states to help her friend Katie, a single mother of 6 who has recently gone through a divorce. Now, I know not everyone can travel across the country at the drop of a hat, and I include myself in this statement. For their sake, I’m glad Ashlee is in a position to do this, but there are other, more accessible ways to show up for our friends.

We often get stuck because we think support has to be grand or perfectly timed. But the truth is, small, thoughtful gestures can mean everything, especially if they’re being sent from afar. Speaking frequently on the phone, sending a gift card for coffee, using a flower delivery service like Bloom & Wild, or ordering them some frozen ready meals from Cook are all thoughtful ways to show you care. When we pause our own busy lives to stand in the gap for someone else, we remind them they are seen, loved, and not alone.

I remember a season of life when I was juggling a new baby, a house move, new schools, and a new church. When that baby fell ill on top of everything else, I found myself at breaking point. A friend sent Krispy Kreme doughnuts (my favourite) through the post because there weren’t any branches close by (thankfully, Krispy Kreme does now exist in Northern Ireland!). In that moment, I felt so loved and cared for. In fact, this small, thoughtful gift brought me to tears because it said, ‘you’re not forgotten’.

5 Intentional Ways to Support a Friend Who Lives Close By

1. Be Their Safe Space

Invite them over with zero pressure to ‘be okay’. Alternatively, take a quiet walk together. Let your friend share what they want or not share at all. Just being physically or emotionally present is often enough. A great way to know what tone is needed is to ask, ‘Do you want to talk about it, or would you prefer a distraction today?’

2. Be Specific

Specific offers of help make it easier for your friend to say yes. Instead of saying, ‘let me know if you need anything’ which puts the burden on them, try:

‘Can I bring dinner on Tuesday?’
‘When would be a useful time for me to watch the kids for an afternoon to give you a break and some time to yourself?’
‘I’m at the shop — what can I pick up for you?’

3. Drop Off a Care Package

What they need might depend on the challenge they’re facing, but generally speaking, you can’t go wrong with snacks, books or magazines, candles, and tissues. Some nice bath salts or a sheet mask could be a welcome addition if they need to rest and relax.

4. Keep Checking In

Grief and stress don’t follow a timeline, and sometimes support fades just when someone needs it most. Jotting down anniversaries is a great idea, so you can text, call or drop something by when things might be starting to feel tough all over again. This could be another great time for a care package.

5. Help Them Find Joy Again

You’ll need to tread carefully with this one and judge whether it feels appropriate, but it can be so good to laugh when life feels heavy. Remind your friend that joy can still exist alongside sorrow. You could send a funny meme or share something that made you laugh and think of them. Invite them over to drink tea and watch their favourite comfort show. Friends or The Office (US) will always take my mind off things and give me a much-needed laugh.

3 Thoughtful Ways to Support a Friend from Afar

1. Send Them Love

Our lives are often scattered, and many of us have close friends who don’t live nearby. Thankfully, love travels well. If your friend is far away, send voice notes or little updates so they know you’re thinking of them. You could mail a handwritten card (you’ll find a range of sympathy cards here) or surprise them with a cheerful parcel full of their favourite things.

Alternatively, have something delivered from a local bakery or coffee shop, or send them a gift card to spend as they wish. If you’re in Northern Ireland, my favourites are Kin & Folk and The Bothy. I find sugary, gluten-filled treats tend to make everything better for at least a few minutes.

2. Create a Personalised Playlist

I once heard someone mention sending their recently bereaved friend a playlist of songs they’d listened to while they were grieving. I love this idea. It’s old school, like a mix tape (nostalgia is comforting), and it’s such a personal, meaningful way to say, ‘I’m with you, and this is something I made just for you’.

3. Pray For Them

Let them know you’re praying for them. Make it specific and make it personal. For example:

‘Today I read in Psalm 34 that the Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. I prayed that you would feel God’s gentle arms embracing you through this difficult time.’

‘I woke up thinking of you as you attend your sister’s funeral. I’m so sorry I can’t be with you in person, but I pray that you will grieve fully, and know that she is no longer in pain, but with her Saviour rejoicing and dancing even more beautifully than she did in this life.’

The Loudest Kind of Love

Let’s be the kind of friends who don’t wait to be asked. Let’s show up with love, empathy, and casseroles. Because in a world full of noise, being a steady, quiet presence might just be the loudest kind of love there is. You don’t need perfect words. You don’t need to solve anything. Just showing up, whether in person, in prayer, in text, or with soup, is enough.