How to be a Good Christian Friend

February 18, 2025

What does it mean to be a good Christian friend? I’ve thought about this topic a great deal over the last couple of years, especially as I’ve been praying for a good Christian friend of my own.

The main thing I’ve learned is that I can only control how good a Christian friend I am to others. The best thing we can do is focus on this first, while also praying for God to show us who to seek a friendship with.

Filling Your Friendship Toolbox

One of my favourite podcasts, Coffee + Crumbs, introduced me to the concept of a ‘friendship toolbox’ – a simple list of habits and ideas you can use to be a good friend to others when they need your friendship most.

How to be a Good Christian Friend

Here are some of the things I’m putting in my friendship toolbox to help me be a good Christian friend to others...

1. Taking the Initiative Rather Than Taking Turns

‘Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.’ - Hebrews 13:16

Imagine you are good friends with someone, let’s call her Katie, and she hasn’t invited you over in a while. She’s been to yours for coffee or dinner, and you’ve been waiting for her to reciprocate.

Assuming the friendship isn’t completely one-sided, sometimes taking the initiative is better than taking turns. Perhaps Katie is feeling overwhelmed or struggling with something she hasn’t had the chance to share. Maybe she doesn’t have the headspace to think about asking a friend over. Or maybe she’s just one of those people who never thinks to organise things but is always grateful to be included. A coffee date instigated by someone else could be exactly what she needs.

Ultimately, being a good friend isn’t counting how many times you’ve both initiated meeting up. It’s asking your friend over anyway because you want to see them and find out how they are.

2. Being Dependable

‘Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you life as your victor’s crown.' - Revelation 2:10

Jesus often taught about reliability in his parables. This is connected to whether someone is dependable, a quality God requires for entrusting people with resources and leads to an eternal crown. A great place to practice dependability is in your friendships.

A dependable friend is someone who makes you feel cared for. They will be there for you when they say they will and hold themselves accountable to promises made. More than anything, you know you can rely on them, not only in the good times, but in the bad ones too.

3. Showing Up When Life Is Tough

‘A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.’ - Proverbs 17:17

Life is rarely smooth. As a Christian, being a good friend is not just about having fun together, thought this is important. It’s also about showing up when life is tough.

Imagine Katie’s mum is ill in the hospital. Checking your diary and finding a day that suits you to drop dinner round for the next few weeks could be really impactful.

This is exactly what a friend of mine did for me when I told her I’d got to the point of needing to go on antidepressants for a while. She listened and showed empathy and care while we were talking. Later, she sent me a text saying she wanted to help by dropping dinner off every Monday for the next 6 weeks. It was such a blessing! This was four years ago, and I still remember the tears in my eyes as I read the text, and the love I felt each Monday when she drove by with dinner made for me and my family of six!

4. Keeping Confidences and Being Trustworthy

‘Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.’ - Proverbs 11:15

If we want our friends to reach out during tough times, honesty and trust are essential. Your commitment to confidentiality is equally important. Loving someone well is not gossiping but keeping confidences.

A commonly known friendship in the bible is between Jonathan and David. The account of this can be found in 1 Samuel 18-19. Jonathan did what was best for David, even though it wasn’t necessarily what was best for himself. Jonathan was King Saul’s son, and Saul wanted to kill David. Jonathan went to great lengths to protect David, never telling his father where he was because their friendship was so special. David could trust Jonathan completely, which is a mark of a biblical friendship.

5. Remembering the Small Stuff {Because it’s Really the Big Stuff}

‘Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.’ - Philippians 2:3-4

One of the best tiny, thoughtful gestures you can do for a friend is keeping notes about their preferences. If your memory is anything like mine, you can jot things down in your paper diary or planner or add them to your phone under each contact.

I like to make a note of things like their favourite flowers or how they take their coffee. When you don’t have to ask, your friend will feel loved and known because you remembered a small but important detail about them.

The same goes for things like birthdays and more difficult milestones like the anniversary of a miscarriage or a parent’s death. Celebrating or grieving with a friend is a great way to make them feel loved, valued, remembered and cared for.

6. Connecting Through Faith

‘As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.’ Proverbs 27:17

I believe shared faith creates a more profound connection between friends. We should always have something to talk about because we both know Jesus. As well as encouraging each other in our walks with Jesus, we must also avoid leading one another astray.

Something I love to do with a few of my closer friends is read a Christian book together and discuss it in a coffee shop every few weeks. I did this twice with two different friends using the book Walking with God In The Season of Motherhood by Melissa B Kruger.

One of the friends I asked was a lady from church who had recently returned from missionary work. I’d only met her twice before we did this, and she is now one of my best friends

I currently have two copies of Jen Wilkin’s study on Revelation and I have a friend in mind I’d like to go through it with. Discussing such important topics is a great way to strengthen a friendship while also getting to know God better. There is such depth to be found in the word of God. You can sit paddling at the shallow end of the pool, or you can move towards the deep end. It’s much easier to do the latter if you have someone swimming alongside you.